My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
