she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
