My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
