wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
