11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
