You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
