I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to walk on stilts...naked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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