Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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