NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Panties = found
Randomize
