I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
