I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
