dude i'm inner monologue high
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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