As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
