I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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