i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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