Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i came on her dog
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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