Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
