if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
