i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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