she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
