I heard we made out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
