Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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