i would punch a child for taco bell
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
