I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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