I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
