as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
