Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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