It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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