I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
