Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
