you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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