It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
