how can u be prego again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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