If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
