we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
