i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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