it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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