things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
