Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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