Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
a search helicopter?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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