The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
ttyl tear gas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
