Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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