Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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