some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
