Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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