I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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