marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
