I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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