you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
