He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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