Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
