I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
