The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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