I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I just sharted jello shots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
